| About The Polish Ambassador |
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 Once upon a time our universe was inhabited by a certain yellow light. So splendidly powerful was this light that stars across the universe cowered behind black-holes. Rumors of this alien swarm of light had been circulating throughout galaxies for a few millenia, alleging that the light consumed all others in its path and no protective measures could thwart it. The rumors weren't dispelled until a long while later when, through a freakish series of energetic pulses, the yellow light spoke: "Sup y'all." During this first aural intercourse, the light had positioned itself in the exact center of our present universe. Though not all could see the vibrational color frequency of the light, its voice boomed billions of light years in every direction so that every living and non-living thing could hear its salutation. The light introduced itself. Translated loosely to Human English, he said: "My peoples, I am Spleekor and I've got a yen for some snacks." Spleekor went on to explain that he had been on an epic journey in search of the most scrumptious snacks the universe could offer. Though he didn't know it, Spleekor's purpose was simple--He was to consume. Spleekor was also unaware that in his devouring wake, he gave birth to life. While you and I excrete extinct matter, Spleekor discharges matter teeming with life: Planets, sounds, coral, habit-forming liquids, innocuous pathogens, snakes, plasmatic goo. Yes, Spleekor poops life. And not just any life; it's like making a crab infested sand castle out of dead skin cells. His shit is fantastic. So is the Polish Ambassador Spleekor? Hardly. In his near infinite wisdom, Spleekor understood that the girth of his own self would never eclipse that of the universe; that as this swarm of light, he would always be limited in his search for the most delicious snacks. How could he savor every snack the universe proffered? That's when Spleekor shattered himself into billions of pieces, each to occupy a living, grazing host. It was through this precise science that Spleekor could consume (and create) at an unprecedented rate. The Polish Ambassador is simply one of those billions of Spleekor particles splashing about the universe. Hence, he's really just a guy who enjoys snacks like almonds, gluten-free gingersnacks, and organic, juiced beets. And he defecates life in the form of ill beats. Exquisite. If you have any snack recommendations, please contact Mr. The Polish Ambassador, immediately. Thanks!
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