The Polish Ambassador

by Martine Elianor

Greetings, Planet Earth. I have heard your cries for music that moves you in ways you can't explain.

I have listened to you demand excellent tunes that won't damper your stylish lifestyle.

Alas, these be the reasons why I have created The Polish Ambassador.

Yes, I am quite certain that God would introduce Diplomatic Immunity with the above decree. The album manages to use previously unexplored elements of the human imagination and show the universe some amazing tunes in a genre that had been prone to mockery. Explaining the style of music on Diplomatic Immunity is difficult, mainly because explaining The Polish Ambassador is no easy task, either.

Self-described "half diplomat, half groove generator, all asexual-cyborg," The Polish Ambassador cannot be fit into any prepackaged category. "The Polish Ambassador was sent to earth to quell all of the modern world's problems. Synthesizers and a pure spirit are his primary weapons," explains The Polish Ambassador while referring to himself, no, groove-self, in the third person.

With such titles as "Infiltrating the U.N." and "Not Without My Chapstick," it becomes a chore to fight the curiosity evoked by the track list. The album begins with "The Birth of Yellow," which should be played when you rise early in the morning, around 1pm. The song "Earth versus the World" gives birth to an efficient creativity that gives techno a good name. It made me feel a bit sad, which is quite the accomplishment, considering how often I tend to smile. The album in general covers a variety of emotions, something that was thought to be unreachable by techno. "Robot Motivation" sounds magical - it reminded me of my first trip to Disneyworld in Orlando, Florida, among other cute childhood memories.

"Diplomatic Immunity" isn't restricted to pinball music or shallow dance grooves. It has a conscience - it feels the feelings of human heart. "Amoeba Party" is somewhat romantic, and very enticing, but the message "Steamed Shrimp Break" is concrete - it brings the funk back to its rightful place, which is on this album. The final track, "Crumbling Numbers," encourages the listener to shake "it" - whatever "it" may be - all the way home. And remember, it's not over until it's over.

I originally became exposed to the sensuous synthesizer musings via Last.FM, a social music site based in London, UK. The site features a "Recommendation Radio," which has the capability to expose the listener to a plethora of tunes that may pique interest. Some of the songs that played on mine were rather disappointing, but every time The Polish Ambassador played, I could not help but lose all inhibitions and celebrate the beauty that is techno.

I proceeded to contact Mr. The Polish Ambassador for a press copy of his album to review for The Immaculatan, to which he kindly responded with the revelation that he was raised in Malvern, Pennsylvania. He wrote, "I used to rollerblade around Immaculata as a kid! I even did research in the library, took swim lessons there as a babe, and had baseball practice their fields, among many other things. It was a huge part of my up bringing."

The Polish Ambassador is intimately familiar with the internet, and wishes that you are, too:

http://www.thepolishambassador.com

http://www.myspace.com/polishambassador

http://www.last.fm/user/sugalski

It's no accident that the CD interacts with the reader. Indeed, The Polish Ambassador has something to share with the world: "Join his army and help him annihilate treacherous beats marring earth with shame and disgrace. He's counting on you."

by Nik Freeman and The Polish Ambassador

Mr. Ambassador, Are there other Polish Ambassadors bringing good will and electrogrooves to other planets, or are you the last of your species?

I choose the name “Polish Ambassador” merely so humans could better relate to me. My true name and profession exist in an ethereal sense that humans do not possess nor understand. There are many of my kind traversing throughout the far reaches of the galaxy.

Sometimes we pass each other on our cosmic voyages spreading good will throughout the universe. We’ll stop for a little while and say hello. It wouldn’t be uncommon for us to share a hot cup of mate, perhaps eat some toast covered in the finest organic mayonnaise, and reminisce about the old days and the aural orgies we shared at The Academy.

You’ve recently moved your consulate from Chicago to San Francisco. What diplomatic opportunities do you hope to uncover there?

One thing I didn’t expect coming to this planet is the havoc that the atmosphere would wreak on my delicate, boy-like skin. Most people don’t know this but I have severe psoriasis and the moist climate of the Bay Area was mandated by my dermatologist, Dr. Friezenberger. Plus, the hilly topography will only further the development of my robust quadriceps. Thusly, I will be better able to perform my diplomatic duties. “Soft skin and huge legs are what make a man,” is what my hermaphrodite wet nurse always said.

What’s the greatest diplomatic incident you’ve ever had to deal with? Did it bring you glory or shame?

Once, while rollerblading along the Pacific Coast Highway, I witnessed a rainbow trout named Mohammed and a coho salmon named Isaac arguing about who has been the most influential Canadian of all time. Mohammed argued it was Mike Myers and Isaac retorted that only a trout brainwashed by celebrity culture could believe such a thing and that Mark Messier was the greatest Canadian to have ever lived. I quelled this debate by letting them know that they were both wrong and that the correct answer is, “Who is Alex Trebek.”

 They both immediately recognized that I was right, copulated at once, and began to produce a super-race of fish known today as Trebekian Troutmon.

Glory this brought to all. No doubt.

Where can all the kids get their own Polish Ambassador Jumpsuit?

You must collect 10,000 proofs of purchase from Cap’n Crunch Crunchberry cereals (part of a complete breakfast), send them into General Mills, and then in 6 to 8 months you’ll get your very own one-size-fits-all Ambassador gear. Easy, right?

Any chance of a fact finding mission with live show dates?

Yes. I will connect with Earth people at the end of this summer if the Orb of Fortune aligns with the blue diamond of Pestulan.

What kind of advanced technology goes into creating your jams?

Harnessing the infinite. Does that bonus track at the end of Diplomatic Immunity have a name? If so, what is it? Yes. Internet Electrocution.

Speaking of song names, there’s a little irony in that the titles to your purely instrumental songs have a certain lyrical quality. What goes into your naming process?

Where I’m from there is no such thing as free will. The names of these tunes have been ordained since the birth of time and are not up to me.

Tell me something cool about Poland.

Here’s a cool thing about Poland: It’s full of Poles. Sometimes you’ve just got to face facts. Polish folks are the ideal specimens of the human race. They also have sublime dirt.

There, if this hasn’t sated your appetite for all things Polish Ambassador or it simply made you hungry for sausage, continue exploring the farthest reaches of diplomacy at polishambassador.com, his MySpace page or get Diplomatic Immunity at the iTunes Store.

by Angel D'Amico and The Polish Ambassador

The interesting and funny interview with David Sugalski, the Polish Ambassador. Tight Electronic beats mixed with smooth synths, funky synths, hes got it all. Dance your butt off, get your day going, listen to it in the car...

Background:

My family and I migrated from inner earth in the early part of the 16th century.

Where are you from?

That's too complicated to truly get into. I am a child of the heavens, half brother to the earth, bastard nephew to the winds of time, and a descendant of the cosmos. Actually, that wasn't too complicated at all.

What or who influence you or are inspirations to you?

My fans know that my greatest musical influences are Herbie Hancock, Lionel Richie, and Toto. What they may not know is that many of my inspirations do not dwell in the realm of music. You see, every once in awhile I like to dig a hole and fill it back up again. How big are these holes you ask? They vary in size depending on how much organic beet juice I've had, but usually two to three feet deep. What was your question?

What makes your music unique?

Everything is unique, dear inquisitor. Even a copy of something is unique insomuch that it is not the original. What you're getting at is why should people listen to my music. Simply, because it makes you feel real good.

What was your favorite concert you sang at or venue?

My favorite venue at which I performed was the Bennigan's in Ft. Zelxinash on the amorphous landmass known as Hopskotch Lippy on the planet Ted. Bennigan's are pretty hip on that planet. Either that or the weekend green market in Lincoln Park. It's a toss-up.

Do you have anything inspirational you would like to add for readers?

Yes, I would. Dare to dream. Wait, sorry, how about, you are special. Even worse. Um, You don't smell that bed. In fact, that potent cologne of yours better known as B.O. is quite natural and should be embraced. Why must we live in a world full of perfumes and fabreeze and potpourri? It's disgusting. You're beautiful. Truly.

What are your future plans? Anything new you are working on?

Finding a cure for death.

One cool thing about blogging is finding neat stuff I wouldn’t have on my own. I had just read about electronica musician The Polish Ambassador on Tunequest, when the Ambassador himself contacted me, wondering I’d like to review his new CD, Diplomatic Immunity. Naturally, I said yes.

The electronic / synthesizer vibe proved to be a welcome change of pace from my usual aural diet of cynical guitars and cute French babes. The main reason to admire Diplomatic Immunity is its retro groove. This isn’t brain-pounding techno or oppressive beats - there’s a fun levity and sense of humor, evocative of the eighties - cute video game music like Mr. Do, Zelda, and Metroid. Much of my childhood was spent (literally) in smoky arcades blasted by synthesized blips and bleeps, calling to my pocketful of quarters.

The songs have whimsical, futuristic titles like Cryovaced Space Noodles Break. Longer tracks alternate with shorter “breaks,” each seemingly food-inspired. I’m reminded of the acts between Ms. Pac Man levels, due to the fruit-chasing. My favorite tunes are the New Order-y Earth Versus The World, video game-esque Robot Motivation, and the atmostpheric Steamed Shrimp Break.

My only complaint is some songs are too short - I’d like to hear more experimentation and variety. Amoeba Party sports several sections that contrast in funny ways; I’d enjoy more of that.

But these are minor quibbles. Diplomatic Immunity is awesome computer work music - perfect for madly coding ActionScript and optimizing images with headphones on before a deadline. It’s pleasant enough that it fades in the background but with enough nice blippy spikes to keep my brain stimulated. Plus, the more I listen to it, the more I discover. I’ve decided The Polish Ambassador should write a new theme song for The IT Crowd.

Lastly, you got to dig the Polish Ambassador persona with the blue and yellow sci-fi jumpsuit. He always sports shades, even while wearing nothing but blue and yellow underwear.

by Nik Freeman

When I was in middle school, I became a big fan of the first few entries to the Mega Man series of games for the original Nintendo Entertainment System. Game play was straight-forward. The stories were fairly one-dimensional Mega Man good; all others bad, but exciting. And each level, named for an element or mineral (Bubble Man, Heat Man, Air Man, etc), proved to be a uniquely constructed world, incorporating imagery and themes related to the mini-bosses’ namesakes.

But the best part was the music, especially Mega Man 2 and 3. I enjoyed the music so much I put together a compilation of songs from the various levels by holding a cassette tape recorder next to the TV speakers and precisely pressing buttons on the controller at the same instant I pressed “record.” Despite being constrained to the NES’s primitive sound capabilities, the music from those games showed a compelling attention to rhythm, melody and harmony.

Which brings me to The Polish Ambassador, who simultaneously hails from both the farthest reaches of the known galaxy and Chicago. He is a musical envoy on a peaceful mission to evangelize his Polish heritage and electrify but not electrocute you with his powerful outer space grooves.

I’ve been keeping tabs on him since I stumbled across one of his songs at Last.fm several months ago. So when he asked me to review his recently released debut album, Diplomatic Immunity, I said that I would be thrilled to do so. And today, I got my very own cosmic Valentine’s Day present in the form of a compact disc.

Which is appropriate, because I *love* this record.

It rocks in a way that only multi-layered synthesized jams can. Much in the same way that working with a limited sonic palette forced early NES composers to rely create complex tonal patterns and melodies, The Ambassador bends the electronics to his diplomatic will, creating deep, engaging arrangements that belie the simplicity of its timbre.

The influence of early game music and culture is unmistakable here, from sounds themselves (Infiltrating the U.N. features a direct SFX sample) to the bit-mapped pixel art that adorns the disc and jewel case. These instrumental tunes could almost be the soundtrack to their own game, circa 1985.

I say almost because the passage of 20+ years means the The Ambassador is not restricted to the meager capabilities of an ancient game console. Where those compositions would end, Diplomatic Immunity takes off, adding fantastic beat after fantastic beat. This stuff is so groovy that each listen has the potential to kick-start the best damn dance party this side of Canopus.

Clocking in at 20 tracks running over 56 minutes, the record doesn’t disappoint on both substance and variety. And while there’s not a bad song in the lot, the real standout is Earth versus the World, which also happens to have a pretty nice video. Also, for pure dancetasticism, it doesn’t get better than the album’s finale, Crunching Numbers. You’ll swear you’re dancing in the middle of a laser battle.

Visit The Polish Ambassador’s website to learn more about his mission, his jumpsuit, his grooves (with samples), to download free bonus tracks or buy the CD, which is also available from the iTunes Store. 

I don’t even know how I found out about this website, but it was definitely stumbled upon. I think I was looking at Wordpress themes and someone had designed a blog after the Humble Voice website theme, and thus I was led to the community. Anyways, I’m glad I found it. The site is an online community specifically targeting artists. From writers, to musicians, to videographers, to graphic designers, to painters, to photographers, all are welcomed and given the appropriate tools to showcase their work. I normally don’t plug services unless they are of value to me and the readers of this blog, so if you are any type of artist, I’d recommend getting yourself an account. Its quick and painless. You can check out mine here.

As of last night, the powers that be at Humble Voice featured The Polish Ambassador on their homepage. I have already met a couple graphic artists over there that are interested in doing some artwork for future polish ambassador releases. Although traffic levels to my website have not drastically increased, visitors from the Humble Voice community are all artists that will potentially want to build with you, which in my eyes is an invaluable resource. Thanks for the great service, Humble Voice!

by Alex Jefferies

I’ve been digesting the Polish Ambassador’s groove now for nearly a week and I really must put down my thoughts. Put down my thoughts like the Ambassador puts down beats on his tracks, more like.

What attracted me to this album was… a ringtone. They were up for free at www.myxertones.com and I went through and listened to every 20-second sample three or four times, disappointed by the fade out every time.

I picked up “London Telecommunicating” for the phone and it got rave reviews everytime a call was received, so I did a gutsy thing. I bought the album from the yellow-jumpsuited, UN-infiltrating madman.

The album comes with 20 songs, which, surprisingly, is impressive more in quality than in quantity. Other than the album being entirely instrumental, high quality is the only other characteristic all the tracks share. There are the danceable beats “Amoeba Part” and “Space Escalade”, the beats that tell a varied, moving story “Robot Motivation”, and the slow jams “Oxygenating Mars”, and even a love song “Digital Loveless”.

Of course, that may be subjective as I am highly emotional and danceable machine. It is also entirely possible that this album transformed me into one.

I gave this album an almost entire can full of robot juice. It’s fantastic, it’s electronic, it’s synthesized.

by Oliver J. Lopena 

Let’s not kid ourselves. At first glance (e.g., look here and here), it wouldn’t be so far-fetched to want to write off The Polish Ambassador (a.k.a. David Sugalski) as a talentless novelty/gimmick act. Take it a step further and read his MySpace page… yup, it’s insane-to-borderline-absurd. But what about his music? Is that MIDI controller that he likes to sport just a fashion accessory or can he really rock that shit Gary Numan style? Short answer: rock that shit, he can… like “a gay cyborg with Tourette’s Syndrome” (his quote, not mine). If Diplomatic Immunity didn’t come out so late in ‘06 (released in December, as far as I can tell), it would’ve probably made my Best Albums of 2006 list. In my opinion, it’s easily the best electronic album of the year. No, I’m not trying to be ironic. Read on.

I won’t belabor you with a track-by-track review of Diplomatic Immunity or detail The Polish Ambassador’s views on foreign policy, etc. Rather, I’ll give you my overall impressions of the CD. The first thing I noticed about The Polish Ambassador’s music is that he layers melodies in an almost Pachelbel-esque manner (get ready for the Baroque comparisons). The Polish Ambassador kicks it polyphonic and shuns homophony like it’s a Belarusian-Polish diplomatic scandal. He employs counterpoint like a masterful composer - this shit is complex. His longer songs are like ambitious electronic concertos and consist of multiple movements, all the while remaining cohesive (prime example - Robot Motivation [preview]). Canon in D? More like Canon in Dope!!! Unlike other electronic music, you can’t figure out or predict The Polish Ambassador’s songs within the first few seconds - full listenings are required. Creativity and technical prowess aside, this music will get your indie ass movin’ for real - and not like in that overrated “new rave” way (try gettin’ your robot on to that nonsense… you can’t).

Visit The Polish Ambassador’s site for a full tracklising (and previews) and to purchase the CD. Also, don’t forget to download the free bonus tracks (Exiting the Womb and The Lonely Perch are must downloads) and watch the brand new music video for Earth Versus The World (which is currently blowin’ up MySpace).

I give The Polish Ambassador’s LP Diplomatic Immunity a 300,000 on the Scoville scale.

Spiciness Rating: Habanero

by Jeff Bess 

I realize I’m not Mr. Electronica over here, but believe me when I tell you: This is the shit. I know a lot of you guys have been following The Polish Ambassador on a song-by-song basis via his blog, or those of others, but don’t think that gives you a pass not to buy this album. It is full of 2-minute gems and contains some of the greatest music I’ve heard this year. He brings the heat right off the bat with The Birth of Yellow. It is, as one friend said, “Music that sounds like it would be awesome on ecstacy”. I bet it would be, given the fact that it is completely awesome to begin with. In fact, it is probably one of my favorite electronica songs ever. I strongly urge you to purchase this album. You’re sure to have extra Christmas money, why not put it to good use? Go here.